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Sunday, 6 April 2014

It's my VAGINA.

After the aquarium, Carol and I are sitting in a booth in the middle of a diner that advertises 'Baked Apple Pancakes' as their speciality, and I am on the phone to my health care provider trying to make an appointment to see a doctor.

The woman on the other end of the phone is asking me what my problem is and, reluctantly I say, while looking down at my plate of three inch thick pancakes -'It's my vagina,'

But 'Vagina' won't satisfy her, it seems.
The woman who takes appointments for Kaiser Permanente wants me to go into more detail about my vagina.

So I tuck the phone under my ear and try to open a tiny packet of strawberry jam for my pancake while telling this woman, who isn't a doctor, who isn't a nurse, who has all my personal details, who knows where I live, who has my wife's credit card on file and who knows my phone number ALL about the issues of a vagina she has never seen and that she will never come into contact with, because she is not my doctor.
She is not even a nurse.
She most likely takes appointment after appointment for the busted vaginas and the fungal infections and the anal issues of people she will never meet, of people who probably do not want to go into that much detail about personal medical issues with a disinterested stranger over the phone.
She is an appointment maker, in a call center, and it's the USA so she is probably under-paid, and she is now more familiar with my vaginal issues than even my best friend is, than even my wife is, than even my DOCTOR is.

But not more familiar than poor Carol, who sits opposite me, quietly eating her omelette, drinking her diet Coke and listening to a detailed chronological medical history of my vagina.

This drawing is called 'Fish Like Life-give fish your best'.
Carol and I visited the Birch Aquarium and marvelled at the fish.
There is something called a sea dragon that looks like a cross between a sea horse and a plant.
Fish are just really trying to get along, like the rest of us.
It seems utterly selfish to eat them if you don't have to, or dump garbage in their home because we don't want it around us.