Sex, guns and coupons

I'm at my mother-in-laws, sitting at the kitchen table where she's organising coupons into yellow envelopes and watching a live broadcast of a shopping mall shooting, when she starts telling me about a couple across the street who are about to have a baby.

"Y'know,' says my mother-in-law, 'it's kind of amazing because the husband is just so obese and I just wonder how it is that they managed to make love,'
At this revelation I turn away from the horror I'm watching on Fox News, and pay attention to her.
'He's as pleased as punch,' she tells me and laughs, 'because I think he just wants people to know that he can still do it,"

Unsure of how to continue I say 'Oh' and turn my attention back to the news where 2 experts in their fields and a newscaster and talking about the impossibility of gun laws ever changing or that it will take a change in attitude over a good 15 years until people stop shooting each other to death with easily obtainable guns.

'Look,' I say pointing to statistics rolling across the bottom of the TV screen, 'there's been a public shooting like this every single day in the last week,' and then I tell her about the gun ban in Australia and how there hasn't been a massacre since.
"Oh, but look,' she says in a comforting tone, pointing to the TV, 'there are only 2 dead.'
I sit immobilised, staring at her, unsure how to responed until she says-'Well, Y'know, I would like to have a gun to protect my home from intruders.'
And then, as I watch my 78 year old mother-in-law's hand shakily add coupons to her envelopes, I imagine her uncontrollably waving an oversized handgun in all directions and calling out 'who goes there?' the weapon accidentally discharging and removing the head of the bedroom intruder-her beige poodle, Beau.

And then she says, as I go back to watching the continuing live broadcast of the shopping mall shooting, 'Y'know organising these darned coupons is like a fulltime job.